The Oscars That Almost Weren't

I'll admit it: the Oscars are one of my favorite nights of the year. It's like the Superbowl, except consistently more interesting. Of course, it's probably only interesting if you've seen any of the films that have been nominated, but that's at your own discretion. I figure that the excitement I get out of watching the awards is similar to how aspiring athletes feel when they watch the Olympics. Maybe not. Whatever.

I'm not going to recap the winners because if you didn't care enough to watch it, I don't care enough to fill you in. I will say the following:

-Amy Ryan should have won Best Supporting
-Thank GOD Juno didn't win Best Picture
-Apparently Americans aren't any good at acting anymore. (Every single acting award was given to foreigners: French, Spanish, British)
-Atonement got robbed

And most importantly...GLEN AND MARKETA WON AN OSCAR!!! Not only was their performance wonderful, but they beat out THREE vomit-inducing songs from Enchanted. And well-deserved. Dan works with them at Columbia (Records) and literally the second we all stopped screaming, his phone started ringing non-stop. I am SO PROUD of them it's unreal. If you don't own the Once soundtrack, buy it immediately.

Otherwise, most of my predictions (and everyone else's) were pretty accurate. It would have been a difficult year to be on the Academy I think, because there were a lot of really great films this year. I was a little worried that there would be a repeat of 2006, when there were four fantastic films and one abomination, and it won. (Crash, of course. Would have been more aptly named Trash. Or Trainwreck. Just saying. I'm not bitter.) In similar fashion, this year there were, once again, four great nominees and one sub-par one. When I first saw the trailer for Juno, I was really stoked for it. And when I saw it, I was...significantly underwhelmed. And I'm sorry Ellen Page, you are not acting, you are playing yourself. Not difficult.

Excuse the tangent. I am happy with the awards this year because my agency more nominations than some of the biggest agencies did, and some were victorious, so yippee for that. And despite the overall boring-ness, there were some notable moments:

-Gary Busey attacking Jennifer Garner on the red carpet
-Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill pretending to be Halle Berry and Judi Dench
-Colin Farrell and John Travolta sliding all over the stage
-Cameron Diaz proves she's blonde after all
-Marketa gets snubbed for her acceptance speech and is brought back out after the commercial break to finish it
-Martin Scorsese is allowed to give the award for Best Directing now that he's FINALLY won an Oscar
-James McAvoy. Enough said.

All in all, considering it was the 80th, I thought it was pretty tame. Especially considering the whole thing almost never even happened because of the strike. You'd think it would have been a little more celebratory. Jon Stewart was moderately funny but a little too tame, and there were a few too many montages.

And now, onto the MOST IMPORTANT THINGS...what they wore!

THE WINNERS: (in no particular order)

Jennifer Garner (in Oscar de la Renta)


Katherine Heigl (in Escada)


Keri Russell (in Nina Ricci)


Cameron Diaz (in Dior)


Amy Adams (in Proenza Schouler)


Anne Hathaway (in Marchesa)


THE LOSERS:

Ellen Page


Jennifer Hudson


Tilda Swinton


Rebecca Miller


Diablo Cody



Speaking of Diablo Cody, not only does she have a naked woman tattooed on her arm and a dress with a way-too-high slit, she also wore these:



...instead of THESE:



Yes. That's right. Homegirl wore FLATS to the OSCARS. When she could have worn STUART WEITZMAN heels that are worth $1 MILLION DOLLARS. Why? Why? WHY?! You IDIOT.

But apparently all of these faux-pas are excusable because she used to be a stripper. Oh, all right. Sure. That's fine.

Anyway.

In case you were wondering--trends this year: red dresses, and being pregnant.

In closing, here is a video of the montage of all 79 best picture winners in the past, not including last night's winner. How many have YOU seen? (My answer: 47)

Ho, Ho, Ho: A Preview, Part III

Christmas Day is not nearly as eventful as Christmas Eve, unfortunately. In the morning, we exchange presents with my grandmother when we wake up and then get dressed and go to my aunt Lynne and uncle Larry's house, also in Fairfield. My aunt makes punch every year, which is everyone's favorite mostly because of the large quantities of alcohol in it. We have the standard hour or two of cocktails and hors d'oeuvres, most of which is spent keeping Larry's dog, Toby, from jumping on the coffee table to eat everything.

Once dinner rolls around and everyone is finally seated, every year we do Christmas Crackers. I'm pretty sure this is a British tradition, and I don't know where one would buy them, but every year somehow they end up on the table. In case you're not familiar, they look like this:



To crack them, you reach inside both ends, and yank on a string inside. In my family, we like to make things difficult. Everyone crosses their arms at the elbow and pulls one side of their own cracker and one side of the person next to them. If this sounds like it doesn't make any sense, it's because it doesn't. And usually there's about half that don't even make a good cracking sound, but just come apart with a pathetic little ripping sound. Inside, there is some kind of cheap plastic toy meant for a five year old but not safe for a five year old because it usually involves small parts. There also might be a little slip of paper with some nonsensical joke or riddle on it, which will then be debated over for the rest of the meal. And, of course, there are the tissue-paper crowns:



Notice how happy everyone looks.

That picture is from a few years ago, and I just realized that there are a lot of people missing from the table, but I don't know why. Anyway, we're required to wear the crowns for the entire meal. Yes, wearing these ridiculous tissue contraptions is mandatory. For what purpose? Your guess is as good as mine.

After another evening of copious amounts of food, we all retire back to the living room for a little while. My mom and aunts' cousins and their father will usually stop by for dessert, and after dessert we always play some sort of game like Catch Phrase, Pictionary, Cranium, etc. We split into two teams, and every year claim it will just be some friendly holiday competition, and every year it takes about five rounds until everyone is yelling at each other, throwing things across the room, and accusing everyone of cheating. Needless to say, the game ends pretty quickly, and usually my cousins, Broseph and I will escape to the den:



Which is usually where we remain in hiding until it's time to leave and go back to my grandmother's for the night, happy to have survived another year.

This past fall, my cousin (on my Dad's side) married her long-time boyfriend and moved into his house in Connecticut, which just so happens to be a town away from Fairfield. So, this year we're completing the Christmas Marathon by celebrating with my Dad's side of the family on the 26th, which consists of my cousin and her husband and my aunt and her husband, who are coming down from Newport, Rhode Island. I'm assuming this will become a tradition, since it kills two birds with one stone. In past years, there's always been a battle over when we celebrate with them, and sometimes it doesn't happen until mid-January. It's convenient that now we can get it out of the way (which is a horrible way of putting it) on the way home back to Boston. It's also a lot better than what we did last year, which was to go straight to Newport on the way home on the 26th and do it there. And maybe I shouldn't be complaining about having Christmas and getting presents for three straight days, but it is EXHAUSTING.

This year, not only are we simply exchanging gifts and eating a meal, but we're adding a little something more into the mix, which I fear will also become a tradition: the sport of curling.



I have never played this sport, never even watched it in the Olympics, have no idea what on earth I am getting myself into. My father was trying to explain it to me over dinner last night, but instead went off on a tangent reminiscing about playing it years ago at The Country Club*. I still have no idea what to expect, but I do know that I was wrong when I thought my family could not get any more WASPy.

So, stay tuned for what's sure to be some lovely stories from that holiday experience.

*The Country Club is actually the name of a club here in Massachusetts, which happens to be the oldest country club in the US. It is not, in fact, the club that family belongs to (we belong to Brae Burn Country Club), but is the one my grandparents belonged to. And in case you were wondering, yes, all the stereotypes are true. I.E, Caddyshack.

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In other news: yes, I am home. I have spent my first full day here decorating the tree, driving around mall parking lots aimlessly, and hacking ice out of the gutters on the roof with my father. Woo suburbia! Also: the Broseph and I are getting along. A Christmas miracle!

Also--has anyone seen the Ciroc vodka commercial with P Diddy in it? Two things: first of all, the song that's playing in the video is Kanye West, which I find odd slash funny. Second, how the fuck does Ciroc become "the official vodka of New Year's Eve"? How does this get decided? Is there a vote? Does this mean if I make a commercial saying that Milwaukee's Best is the official beer of New Year's Eve, people will automatically drink it in large quantities despite the fact that it tastes like urine?

These are things that occupy my time when I don't have to go to work.

Form your own opinions:



Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you think of me in the next few days and get a little chuckle knowing you're in a better place.

This Week's Rants and Raves

Instead of packing for a month at home, where I am going tomorrow, I've decided to do a post of some of the things I'm loving and hating currently. First and foremost: the events of Tuesday night. I was supposed to go to the party that Model Behavior was hosting in Soho, and I invited my friend Shel to come with me. Shel's sister was in town visiting her, who I am not a huge fan of. She's two years younger than us, incredibly self centered, and an all-around ditz. Not to mention, sin of all sins, she can not handle her liquor. Shel also really wanted to go to this bar in the East Village called Angels and Kings that she and my other friend (and Shel's roommate) Julia frequent pretty often, mostly because it's owned by Pete Wentz, the "frontman" of a band I hate, Fall Out Boy. I know. They're really into that whole "emo" band scene, and I, clearly, am not. Apparently, Pete was supposed to be DJing on Tuesday night. So I agreed to go with the two of them to the bar for a little while before we went to the party. They came over to my apartment to have some drinks before we went, and by the time we got to the bar, it was about 12:15. Pete wasn't there, and ended up not even showing up, which was completely insignificant to me, but Shel and her sister were disappointed. Apparently there were also a bunch of other guys from other semi-famous bands that Shel is obsessed with. For example, some guy named Gabe from some band called Cobra Starship. Shel was practically having a panic attack, but was too shy to say anything to him. Since I have never heard of this person and wouldn't know him from any of the other wannabe-hipsters in the place, I took it upon myself to talk to him. So I approached him, told him my friend loved his band but was too shy to come up and talk to him. He introduced himself, asked me my name, and asked who my friend was. I pointed her out, and he came over a few minutes later to say hi. To his credit, he was incredibly nice, and I thanked him later for making her night. Meanwhile, Shel's idiotic sister is drunk off two weak vodka crans, has found some guy who she thought was a girl, and made out with him/her, because apparently making out with a girl does not count as cheating on your boyfriend. How does one make this mistake? Well, in such an establishment where the boys are wearing tighter jeans than me, have the body of a preteen girl, and have longer hair than I do, it could be confusing. But when she pointed out the victim to Shel and I, we both could immediately tell that she was a he. Nice one! So she is whining and moaning about what to do about her boyfriend, Shel is still not over the Gabe situation, and as it is now approaching 1:15, I am trying to get us out of there. Twenty minutes later, I have reached my limit. I'm waiting outside for the two of them after they told me fifteen minutes earlier that they were going to the bathroom and would meet me outside. I'm commiserating with the bouncer, who clearly hates his job. I barge back inside, find both of them talking to some dudes, and demand that we leave. Now. One of the dudes gives me a douchey look and says to Shel, "Your friend is kinda feisty. I like it." Even if I wasn't already thoroughly annoyed, that certainly would have done it. I grab both of them and head for the door, but suddenly the sister can't find her fucking coat. Great. We are finally in a cab and getting to the location of the party, only to find that it has ended. Shel feels really bad about the situation, but I was still really, really, pissed off that I missed a party that I later heard was a rousing success, and would have been indefinitely more fun than where I ended up instead. UGH.

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It is disgusting to me how politicians are spending more time talking shit about each other than actually making legitimate and convincing points. And their Christmas/Holiday television commercials make me want to vomit.


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Tomorrow, I'll be heading home to Boston via Amtrak. After far too many trips on the disaster that is the Fung Wah bus, and one attempt at flying via JetBlue which took a total travel time of seven hours, of which 40 minutes were actually spent in-flight, I've decided to stick with the train. I usually don't mind it because I actually enjoy traveling by train, but not during holidays, not when I have far too much luggage (and I will), and not on the Regional service (as opposed to the Acela), which is always--ALWAYS--delayed. Since I will be out of New York for a month, packing is going to be impossible. Especially with the added burden of somehow transporting the Christmas gifts I've purchased. I originally didn't want to do my Christmas shopping in the city before I got home specifically because of that reason, but no way in hell am I going near a shopping mall after I get home on December 22nd. I managed to do some of it online and have it delivered to my parents' house, but I still had to do some in-store shopping. I have absolutely no idea how I'm going to get my bags, and gifts, to Penn Station and on the train. I'm sure it will be really entertaining for those that are lucky enough to observe it.

On a similar note, it will be a mystery how I survive a month at "home" without completely losing my mind.


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And now on a lighter note, some things I think are awesome: first and foremost, the iTunes Alarm Clock. If you're someone like me who hates the sound of her alarm so much that hearing it elsewhere causes heart palpitations and a cold sweat, this will be a godsend. You can set several different alarms, for different times or different days, and set what music you want it to use. So, instead of being woken up by some awful beeping, you can awake to the sounds of whatever your musical taste prefers. It can shuffle through your entire library, or start from the beginning, or you can use a playlist. So now, I awake to G. Love and Special Sauce, get out of bed to Brendan Benson, wash my face and brush my teeth to Ari Hest and Tom Waits, and stand in front of my closet trying to decide what to wear to the sounds of Prince and Regina Spektor. And best of all, if you don't like to leave your computer up and running all night, the computer will wake itself from sleep mode when the alarm is supposed to go off. Nice!


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If you're ever in the downtown-ish area, I strongly reccomend you try Tavalon. I'm a big tea drinker, and I stumbled upon this place as it's sort of on the way during one of my commutes. It's located on 14th street between 5th and University Place, and it's actually good enough to get me to brave 14th street. Granted, the stretch of sidewalk that Tavalon is on isn't quite as bad as, say, 14th between University and Broadway, but it's still 14th street. But, the chai at Tavalon is worth it, in my opinion.


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Britney Spears' 16-year-old sister is pregnant. Christmas came early this year!

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Those that know me know that I have a serious thing for Anderson Cooper. I would say its a healthy obsession, which I'm aware is an oxymoron. I also will remain in denial about his homosexuality until I hear it from the silver fox himself. And it goes without saying that age is not an issue. I watch his broadcast every night, sometimes more than once as it's aired several times. I read his book when I was in Africa last summer and it blew my mind. Everything I was never able to explain about why I went, why I couldn't rest until I could go, and what it meant to me, he perfectly put into words. I highly recommend it to anyone, but it might not resonate as much with others as it did with me. He's one of the people I admire most, and it's no secret that I can be more attracted to someone for his mind than anything else.

But it doesn't hurt that he looks like this:







He didn't really do anything special or noteworthy this week, but if I'm doing any sort of list involving things I like, he automatically gets a spot on it. And in case you were wondering, he's 40. As far as I'm concerned, it's just a number.

Christmas is in 4 days? What?!

Excuses, Excuses and the Procrastination Solvent

Why I Know I'm In The Right Business, Exhibit #327628:

After being thirty minutes late to meet me one afternoon, a colleague rushes in and explains, only half-apologetically, "Sorry I'm late, I was having lunch with Javier Bardem."

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Meanwhile, if you, like me, are a procrastinating champ and/or if you are, also like me, someone who can not get any work done without music playing in the background, this will be your saving grace next time you need to accomplish anything work or study-related. [Courtesy of HackCollege via LifeHacker]